Condolence Money (Koden) Amount Calculator — Giving Side
Select your relationship to the deceased and your own age bracket to instantly see a general guideline for how much koden (condolence money) to give.
Koden amount guide by relationship and age bracket
| Relationship to the deceased | Under 30 (in your 20s or younger) | In your 30s | In your 40s | 50 or older |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Parent | 30,000〜100,000 yen | 50,000〜100,000 yen | 50,000〜100,000 yen | 100,000 yen |
| Sibling | 30,000〜50,000 yen | 50,000 yen | 50,000 yen | 50,000 yen |
| Grandparent | 10,000 yen | 10,000〜30,000 yen | 30,000〜50,000 yen | 30,000〜50,000 yen |
| Aunt / Uncle (relative) | 10,000 yen | 10,000〜30,000 yen | 10,000〜30,000 yen | 30,000 yen |
| Friend / acquaintance | 5,000 yen | 5,000〜10,000 yen | 5,000〜10,000 yen | 5,000〜10,000 yen |
| Work relation (boss, colleague, subordinate) | 5,000 yen | 5,000〜10,000 yen | 5,000〜10,000 yen | 5,000〜10,000 yen |
What is the koden amount calculator (giving side)?
Koden (香典) is the condolence money offered at a wake or funeral as an expression of sympathy for the deceased and support for the bereaved family. There is no legal rule for the amount, but the customary guideline generally rises with how close the relationship was and with the giver's own age, and etiquette references widely share amount guides organized around these two factors.
This tool lets you select your relationship to the deceased (parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt/uncle, friend, or work relation) and your own age bracket to instantly see a guideline amount for the koden you should prepare. It addresses the opposite side of the already-implemented koden_gaeshi tool (calculating the return gift for koden received), covering the need of someone who is about to give koden.
How to use the koden amount calculator
- Select your relationship to the deceased Choose from parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt/uncle, friend/acquaintance, or work relation.
- Select your age bracket Choose from under 30, 30s, 40s, or 50 and older.
- Review the amount estimate A guideline koden amount for the selected relationship and age bracket is shown.
Tips for getting more out of it
- It is customary to avoid amounts containing the digits 4 or 9, since they echo the Japanese words for "death" and "suffering." Avoid amounts such as 4,000, 9,000, or 40,000 yen, and pick a figure within the guideline range that steers clear of them.
- It is customary to use bills that already have a crease rather than brand-new bills — using crisp new bills can be read as having prepared for the death in advance. If only new bills are on hand, fold them lightly before placing them in the envelope.
- When a couple or family attends together, it is customary to give a single amount on behalf of the representative rather than one amount per person, since giving separately can come across as redundant.
- The envelope (koden-bukuro) typically uses a silver-and-white or black-and-white knot-tied cord, with "御霊前" (or "御仏前"/"御玉串料" depending on the religion) written on the front.
When this calculator helps
Checking the amount quickly after hearing sad news
When you learn of a wake or funeral on short notice, select your relationship and age bracket to instantly see a guideline amount.
Checking the guideline for a work-related funeral
See the typical amount for a boss, colleague, or subordinate so your koden does not stand out from other attendees.
Coordinating amounts among relatives
Share a common guideline with siblings or relatives so amounts do not vary too widely from one another.
Koden terms explained
- Koden (香典)
- The condolence money offered at a wake or funeral as an expression of sympathy for the deceased and support for the bereaved family.
- Koden-bukuro (香典袋)
- The envelope used to present koden. The cord color/style and the wording on the front vary by religion.
- Goreizen (御霊前)
- One of the standard front-cover phrases for a koden envelope, widely used at Buddhist wakes and funerals before the 49th-day service.
- Gobutsuzen (御仏前)
- A front-cover phrase used from the 49th day onward in Buddhist custom, once the deceased is considered to have become a Buddha.
- New bills vs. used bills
- Custom holds that brand-new bills should be avoided for koden, and bills with an intentional crease should be used instead.
Frequently asked questions
Side Note — why are the digits 4 and 9 avoided in koden amounts?
Avoiding the digits 4 and 9 in koden amounts comes from how those numbers sound in Japanese: 4 (shi) echoes the word for "death," and 9 (ku) echoes the word for "suffering." The custom is not limited to money — the same avoidance often shows up in the number of funeral flowers or the number of return-gift items.
The custom of avoiding new bills is generally understood to stem from the idea that preparing crisp new bills in advance could suggest you anticipated the death. That the customary workaround — lightly creasing new bills before use — is so widely known suggests the custom is treated mainly as a formal gesture rather than a strict rule.
The reason koden guidelines vary so much by relationship is thought to trace back to the original purpose of koden as mutual aid intended to help a bereaved family with its immediate living costs. The closer the blood relationship, the greater the presumed impact of the loss on the family's finances, which is one explanation for why the customary amount rises with closeness of relationship.